All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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