I CAN MOONWALK!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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