just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
