We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize