I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He shit in the fireplace
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
