Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
