Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
