idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize