is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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