Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
