Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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