I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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