He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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