Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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