So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
