I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
