Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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