Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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