My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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