i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
