I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
...so i touched it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
