Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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