he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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