I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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