Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
