so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
