So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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