The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize