I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
