well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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