Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The uberlube is also flammable
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
