I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
