He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
