Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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