Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize