i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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