Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
