tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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