Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
