We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
