I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is my gift to your gina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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