...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
