What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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