Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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