In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
