I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
