I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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