I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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