remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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