I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
