I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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