Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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