theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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