oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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