I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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