paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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