He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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