I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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