Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
