I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
