Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
