Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
