just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
