fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah