im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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