he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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