you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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